Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
don't judge my taste in strippers
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
