i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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