Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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