Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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