your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
