he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
