Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
