ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
