the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
