Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
