I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
