why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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