So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
did you just send me my own nude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
