This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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