The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
