the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
