he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
