i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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