I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
