haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
