Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
