My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
