i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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