just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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