Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
