i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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