I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
