This is not my ceiling
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
