only if we run a train.
done.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
