her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I AM VODKA MAN
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
