shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
