Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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