I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
