remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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