Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
