he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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