what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.