Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"