...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend