My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.