We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
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Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.