By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
