What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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