He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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