I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
