3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
