Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
