if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
