i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
