dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
