So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
