The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way