absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!