i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
