He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.