sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related