I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
