We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
