if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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