were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
