you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
